Full-time working mother Rachel says, “No school teaches us how to be ‘qualified’ parents. My parents could not express love openly, while our generation struggles to connect with our children—three generations are stuck in communication deadlocks.” Through learning and self-reflection, she broke free from this cycle and rebuilt harmonious family ties.
How does a family of origin shape the way we parent?
Rachel is a typical working mother. In the past, her packed schedule led her to run family life and childcare with an efficiency- and result-oriented mindset, leaving her physically and mentally drained. She said, “I used to talk to my daughter like ticking items off a checklist, only asking about daily routines and schoolwork, with limited meaningful conversation.” Parent-child communication had become little more than a routine.
Her experience resonates with many parents, who often feel lost and isolated on their parenting journeys, weighed down by a mounting sense of powerlessness.
One incident proved pivotal: when her elder daughter was in primary one, she completed only half of her examination paper. Overwhelmed by frustration, Rachel reprimanded her harshly. “I flew into a rage when she said she simply did not want to finish it. I cried out of anger and nearly hit her.” This moment made her realise her overemphasis on academic results and short temper were placing unnecessary pressure on her child and harming their mother-daughter bond. She began reflecting on her parenting approach and made positive changes.
A new hope: The “Family Embrace Life Journey” Parent Education Programme
Rachel first learnt about the Jockey Club “Family Embrace Life Journey” Parent Education Programme through her daughter’s school in 2020. Designed for Hong Kong families, it uses common parenting concerns—such as parent-child communication, emotional management and wellbeing—as a starting point for exploring the underlying causes of family challenges. Participants are encouraged to reflect on their experiences, regain confidence and motivation, repair family relationships and find a more positive approach to parenting. Through a range of free structured courses and experiential activities, the programme has also helped many families overcome communication barriers and improve their relationships..
Unlike conventional parenting programmes that focus primarily on parenting skills, this programme centres on empowering parents. Facilitated by professional parent educators, workshops, sharing sessions and letter-writing exercises encourage participants to revisit their own upbringing and reflect on how their family of origin shaped their values, parenting styles and parent-child dynamics. Parents gain a renewed understanding of the meaning of parenthood, rebuild meaningful connections with their children, learn to adjust their parenting mindsets, improve communication with kids, manage personal emotions and expectations, and build more positive and healthier parent-child relationships.
Therapeutic letter-writing: A letter to the person who hurt you most
The letter-writing workshop stood out as the most healing part for Rachel. “We were asked to write a letter to the person who hurt us deeply. I wrote to my mother, and it released years of pent-up resentment.”
Rachel’s parents worked long hours to make ends meet when she was young. They never attended her school events or paid much attention to her studies. Her mother was reserved and rarely expressed affection, creating a distant mother-daughter relationship. As the eldest daughter, Rachel bore a heavy load of household chores. Coupled with the family’s preference for sons, she harboured years of grievance and unresolved emotional wounds.
From estrangement to reconciliation in parent-child relationships
Guided by the programme, Rachel re-examined her upbringing and learned to understand her mother from a new perspective.
She came to realise that the older generation, constrained by their upbringing and tough life circumstances, often lacked the ability to express verbally or demonstrate affection, even though they cared deeply. This newfound interpretation helped her let go of long-held unresolved feelings and see her relationship with her mother in a new light.
When her mother fell seriously ill and was bedridden in her later years, she confessed decades of guilt over how she had treated Rachel. Her mother’s words deeply moved Rachel, making her realise that much pain and regret within families stem from unspoken love and helplessness across generations.
This profound reflection reshaped how Rachel interacts with her two daughters. She shifted her focus from examination scores to her girls’ personal growth, prioritising their efforts over outcomes. “I used to fixate on whether they could score 95 or 100 marks. Now I care more about whether they tried their best and made progress compared to last time.” She also pays closer attention to her daughters’ feelings and inner thoughts.
Rachel admits the challenges brought by adolescence still exist, and conflicts and disagreements still occur between her and her daughters, but the programme taught her that parenting is not about chasing flawless outcomes, but an ongoing journey of learning, adjusting and growing alongside children.
Having transformed her own mindset, Rachel encouraged her husband to join the programme too. The couple explored parenting together, learning to acknowledge their children’s feelings and respond to their developmental needs. These shared growth moments have become their most cherished family memories.
Sharing her story to keep growing
After completing the foundational courses, Rachel became a volunteer speaker, sharing her experience with community parents while continuing advanced workshops to adjust her parenting methods as her daughters grow.
“Change happens as long as you take the first step.” She believes parenting is not a one-time fix with a set of rigid rules, but a lifelong journey of learning, self-reflection and growth. Rachel once unconsciously imposed the standards from her own childhood on her children, yet she has since learned that parents must first recognise and regulate their own emotions and expectations to truly understand their kids.
The programme does not erase all family struggles overnight, but it prompted her to rethink the essence of parenting: raising children is not only about nurturing the next generation, but also about knowing and healing oneself while accompanying kids, passing down love and responsibility through generations. This insight fuels her to tackle parent-child challenges and cherish the unique and profound three-generation bond within her family.
Did you know?
The Jockey Club “Family Embrace Life Journey” Parent Education Programme is run by a volunteer organisation with extensive experience in parent education, in collaboration with academic specialists in parenting research and participating local schools. Launched in the 2016 academic year, the three-year, three-phase initiative builds parent support networks within schools. In 2019, it was incorporated into The Hong Kong Jockey Club Community Project Grant, launching its first Community Parent Education Project. To this day, it continues to provide free sessions for parents across Hong Kong and local school teachers.
FAQ
Parent education courses offer systematic training to help parents revisit their upbringing, reignite their passion for parenting, reflect on suitable child-rearing approaches and rebuild harmonious family relationships.
“When parents are willing to pause, reflect and give their children space to play while spending time with them, more possibilities for their children's growth will naturally unfold," said Miss Yuen, Project Supervisor of KeySteps@JC Hub (Sham Shui Po).